Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Reevah on Parent-Child Dynamics
Kids see the world the way their parents do.
If children are suicidal, parents may be depressed.
If parents don’t change, children are not likely to change.
Parents treat their own children as they wish they would have been treated as children thereby recreating abusive relationships - making children abusive to parents. In order to avoid being the victimizer, parents are willing to be the victim (of their own children) - from one extreme to another.
Parents were good kids and wanted to please their parents. Now, as parents, they want to please their kids and their kids become abusive towards them as parents.
What is the goal of a parent -- to have their child love them or to raise their child to be a productive adult in the world?
Parents sometimes avoid making children do what they don't wanna do or not let them do what they wanna do for fear that the children won't love them. Sadly, this is mixed up logic. I have heard way too many teens say that their parents let them get away with too much. Feeling like your parents are in charge and making appropriate rules for your safety and well-being feels loving, even if it makes you mad temporarily.
First up in my summer reading is "The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, mind and body in the healing of trauma" by Bessel Van Der Kolk....
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Abstract: "Adolescent depression, particularly where suicidal behaviour is involved, is a complex and pressing mental health problem ...
If you are the mother of a 6-12 year old anxious child, you may be interested in a study being conducted by researchers at UCLA. The purpose...