Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Ima Dork & I like It

Socially, I'm awkward.

This means I don't understand people's behaviors sometimes - they are profoundly mysterious to me. It's probably the reason I have spent so much of my adult life reading and studying human behavior with my left brain.

I understand the world of ideas and concepts much better.

Emotions are irrational, by definition - although they make their own sense.

I can take relationships very seriously - this makes me a bit of a dork.  I don't like blowing people off (anymore).  I used to be the biggest flake! - avoiding social interactions if I was depressed.

Now I pay attention to the process and content of conversations.  Now I want closure in quotidian interactions.  It's not a rule-based system - so it's not about being rigid.  It's about being loving to self and others:  What is the most loving way to turn down a first, second or third date? What is the most respectful way to address an employee regarding complaints received about their work?

Now that I'm balancing Love, Work & Play (the definition of good mental health), I am focusing energy (previously spent entirely on work) on my relationships.  Only, because I'm kinda new at it, it comes off as a bit formal - like the courtesies usually only extended in professional networking.  That's okay.  Niceties in any relationship aren't so bad.

Everyone describes dating as a game - for both men and women.  But our reality is socially constructed.  It is a game only if we all agree that it is.  What if we disagree?  What if we are committed to honesty, transparency and full disclosure in all our communications - even if it doesn't appear - initially and superficially - to be to our advantage?  In the long run, the deep trust and mutual understanding engendered from all this open communication may in fact prove to be more satisfying than any short-term gains of saying less to come off as cool:

"I really wanna see you this Saturday but ....(insert details that make you seem less cool/attractive)" vs. "I'm busy."

See, I told you Ima dork.  I have to admit, I like it.

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