Monday, November 30, 2015

Coming Clean in "The Truth"

The same guy who wrote "The Game" (the bible about picking up women based on his research and experiences) is the same guy who just wrote "The Truth." Neil Strauss realized that after seducing many women, he didn't know how to have a relationship with the one woman he loved. It's a hella full circle story and all about family trauma and overcoming it by becoming whole. I pray that it outsells his last bestseller. Everybody would benefit from reading it. 

It appears that men in this society don't have consistent or reliable rituals, mentors or venues for learning to become grown up men.  As a consequence men may walk around not knowing how to become grown ups. My friend Iris joked, "they should google that shit." If you google, "in this society, how does a male become an adult man?" then I hope "The Truth" is the first hit.

Strauss participates in rehab for sex/love addiction and gains some insights about how his relationship to his mother gets in the way of his other relationships (especially with women) and about being love avoidant in his relationship attachment style. He also signs up for Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP), Somatic Experiencing (SE), Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) and other modes of treatment. If men around the world adopted his techniques for seducing women because of "The Game," then I hope that men around the world adopt these techniques for treating trauma because of reading "The Truth."

Caveat: the middle part of the book may be too raw and dark for some. Strauss goes to the extreme of his darkness to come out the other side to light. I suppose that what may be considered "dark" is subjective - some may wince by his emotional honesty and others may bristle at his sexual explicitness. Regardless, it's worth the adventurous trip because the love relationship he is able to have after those lessons learned is honest and joyful.

I am fascinated by books written by journalists/non-fiction writers - Malcolm Gladwell, Jon Krakauer, Dave Cullen and now Neil Strauss. I suspect I will marry a journalist/writer and we will read/write together - telling good stories that are important. It's a happy dream.

Here are some gems from Strauss' new book:
"Functional parenting is the secret to world peace. And the only way to make functional parents is to heal psychological wounds with the same urgency that we heal physical wounds."  
"Even when we see the truth, trauma still prevents us from reaching it, like a rockslide blocking the road to our future...Do you see how strong this is? How trauma can destroy individuals and nations and generations?" 
"I'm beyond good and bad. I just am." 
"Find that voice and listen to it." 
"I'm reparenting myself." 
"Live in truth without fear or guilt." 
"In life, we are born innocent and pure, beautiful and honest, and in a state of oneness with each moment. As we develop, however, our caregivers and others load us with baggage. Some of us keep accumulating more and more baggage until we become burdened by all the weight, trapped in beliefs and behaviors that keep us stuck. But the true purpose of life is to divest yourself of that baggage and become light and pure again. You've been searching for freedom this whole time. That is true freedom." 
"Love is when hearts build a safe emotional, mental, and spiritual home that will stand strong no matter how much anyone changes on the inside or outside and expects only one thing: that each person be his or her own true self. Everything else we attach to love is just personal strategy for trying to manage our anxiety about coming so close to something so powerful and uncontrollable."

Thursday, November 5, 2015

My PhD Diploma

legit since 3/20/2015 :)

My Mentor, Jolene

"Everybody has to emotionally emancipate from parents in order to be an adult. In order to be a leader, you have to be an adult." 
--Jolene Swain, director of field education at CSUN, social worker & documentary filmmaker of "No Greater Bond: a mother's influence on manhood. Letting go is loving more." Jolene has been my mentor since 1992.

Jolene Swain speaks to my macro social work class about leadership and parenting.

My mentors drop pearls of wisdom.  Here are some of Jolene's:

  •  "It's the healthy person that asks for help."
  • "You don't know everything. Why do you need to know everything?"
  • "It's easy to follow the group. It's difficult to stand alone."
  • "The mentee chooses the mentor."
  • "Confrontation doesn't have to be negative. Have your say. Deal with it or it grows."
  •  "Know what soothes you vs. looking for someone to take care of you."
  • "Be able to contain and bind your own anxiety."
  • "If you learned it then you can unlearn it and learn something new."
  • Talking about her son: "in order for him to be happy, I have to let him go."
  • "My ultimate joy is to see my son live his life."

Truth Opened

Freud presented a paper in April, 1896 to the Society for Psychiatry and Neurology in Vienna on the sexual abuse of his female patients by t...