I'm assuming that when we say someone is "too nice" - we are talking about being a pushover. Nobody likes a pushover. Respect is lost.
Since we all have a dark side, when we act like a pushover - we are not being honest. We are not being real and others can't really know who we truly are.
Sooner or later the dark side will surface. By the time this happens, it can be vicious and surprising.
In our interactions and relationships, our energies connect and balance each other out. If I'm scared of my dark side and you are not - then I will be drawn to you to play it out for me. I'll enjoy my dark side vicariously through you because the dark side can be a lot of juicy fun. But like anything, too much of a juicy thing can be dangerous.
I want balance. I don't want to be cut off from my own dark side and I don't want to be mired in it either.
When we are around people who are integrated, it is easier to accept all of our own thoughts and feelings - the light and shadow sides. It feels like we have a right to think and feel whatever we'd like - no judgments. There is acknowledgment and acceptance that we both have a dark side.
The opposite of being a pushover is standing up for ourselves and this is magnetic. It lets others know who we truly are and that we know our value. It sets the tone for others about respecting our worth and how to treat us.
We can stand up for ourselves and be tender too. The antidote for being "too nice" is not being mean.
"I can take all the tenderness you got."Tenderness is also sexy - as long as it is real and yet, can't nobody be tender all the time.
Esther Hoffman (played by Barbara Streisand) in A Star is Born (1976).
Think of it: We all have a right to our thoughts and feelings. All of us. We all have a dark side. All of us. Relishing in this right, balancing and feeling sexy ;)
The dark side is not always negative as you point out. We control what we can. Just learn to love yourself and be kind and loving. Everything will then fall into place.
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