Thursday, November 21, 2013

My Lazy Ego

The first time I heard the term, fragile male ego, was in a sociology course my freshman year. 

I'm not sure about the sociological origins or ramifications of my own ego but I think it's kinda lazy.

For example, when the inner critic whispers to me:  "That's sooo embarrassing or scary!  Don't do that!"  My ego sorta rolls it's eyes.

When there is peer pressure to buy ________ or wear ________, my ego chooses to take a nap.

When someone wants to compete for a symbolic trophy, I am happy to hand it over. If they want it so badly, then why stand in the way?

When insecure people or bullies try to cut or take down, even brazenly humiliate, I sigh and stand up for myself or others and leave it at that.  I mean, what can you do to the poor souls that they don't already do to themselves all the time? 

I wasn't swayed by the peer pressure of a cool image even as a dorky but happy pre-teen (I got the pictures to prove it). There's a delicious freedom in being less concerned with what others think and more tapped into our inner voice. The homeless will attest that one of the joys of living on the streets is the abdication of social conventions and the camaraderie of outsiders.

Some people presume that my journey to the PhD is a vanity project.  Hardly!  It kicks my a$$ on every level - humbles me to the core.  I'm doing it mostly out of obedience to a calling.  It is also exhilarating.  I risked everything and gained everything in return.  I found my purpose - what I came here to do - and saved my soul.  This is not hyperbole - it is the honest to goodness truth, la pura neta.  

I am grateful for my life of reading, thinking, writing, napping, learning, discovering, and imagining.

I'm not striving.  I've got nothing to prove.  I don't value status symbols.  I just want joy, peace and freedom - to use my voice and faculties in the service of something meaningful and to reach the end of my days with a smile on my face. 


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