Sunday, June 2, 2013

Just as we are

We all wanna be accepted just as we are.

We all wanna be loved. Just as we are.

Some of us were loved and accepted at birth.

Some of us got the message that the only way to get love and attention was to bend, reshape, modify and comply - that we had to do things for someone else (a parent) in order to get the love & attention we needed to survive (literally). 

At a teeny tiny age, we learned to sacrifice our selves, needs, wants, emotions, perceptions (like a lamb to the slaughter) for the good of others and in order to survive.

We learned to read the energy in the room - in order to stay safe or to get love & attention.  This is work
Some of us got attended to instead.  That is, a caregiver sought to read us - to attune to and respond to our needs. 

One experience builds our skills to know others.  The other experience builds our skills to know ourselves.  Interpersonal relationships require both sets of skills.

Sometimes we over-focus on our own needs - we become selfish and insensitive to others.
Sometimes we over-focus on the needs of others - we become co-dependent - and lose or neglect ourselves.

In any relationship - work, friendly, or romantic - it makes sense to take things a bit slowly. 

First, know who you are and where you come from.  Be solid and flexible.  See yourself with eyes wide open and full of love.  No thought, feeling or behavior is too shameful to know or accept.  Shame gets in the way and is opposite to self-love. 

Then, and only then, can you really see another person.  It takes time to discover who they are, especially in relation to who you are.  We exist in interaction.  I am more open and honest when I feel that I am talking to someone that is open and honest as well.  I tend to restrict my range of emotions and expression if I sense the other person is restricted.  When I try to be more open and honest than the person in front of me - hijinx ensues.  I sniff out the loving, open and honest ones and then nurture those relationships because they are rare and golden.  I treasure people like this because I feel at home and completely myself.

I love, forgive and accept myself.  This has had to be learned.  Always learning.

Now I can see others as they are - good, bad and horribly beautiful.

Now I can truly choose - who gets trusted, who gains entry into my holy of holies, who I enter into relationship with on a personal or professional level.  Water seeks its own level.

Take your time, slow your roll.  Observe and record.  Discover.  Conocelos.  Then you can decide who you wanna accept into your life and love - just as they are.  Because you can't change them.  And they don't wanna be changed. 

We all wanna be accepted just as we are.

We all wanna be loved.  Just as we are.

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