Friday, March 2, 2012
Competent and Loved
If we walk around with a deep belief that we are incompetent (don't know something/anything and cannot learn), then anyone who is confident and competent will be threatening and we will try to emulate them or simply take them down.
If we walk around with a deep belief that we are unloved or un-loveable (a lie we believed very early on), then we may fall prey to sycophants and be easily manipulated.
If we walk around with both erroneous beliefs (incompetent and unloved), then watch out world because we will be Super Mean (anti-hero wearing a cape).
I worked with a 2-fer. She felt incompetent (semi-competent at best) and unloved. Feeling confident and competent myself, without any compulsion to ki$$ a$$ (I naively thought my work would speak for itself), she hated me. What's worse, she was my boss.
I went into work telling myself, "it's okay to be who I am, it's okay to be who I am" to counter the bad vibes I got from her daily. I tried to impress her, make her look good, do an excellent job, etc. That only made her more pi$$ed off.
A few years after I stopped working for Super Mean, a friend/mentor assured me that it was not about me. Another friend/"F" mentor offered, "you are not the jerk whisperer" (that's "F" for "feelings," people!).
I am grateful that it has been a long time since I have worked for her, although I learned a valuable lesson. When dealing with a Super Mean boss, be competent and ki$$ a$$, otherwise, find yourself a boss that is competent and feels loved. I have worked for the latter and I prefer it.
Water seeks its own level. Be confident and believe that you matter to attract the same.
I first heard that quote about water seeking its own level from another friend/mentor. I collect mentors because I still have a lot of growing up to do. My friends/mentors remind me that I am competent and loved despite my occasional immaturity and numerous mistakes, God bless them.
Feeling competent and loved is our birthright. If we don't feel that way now, what gets in our way and what would make us feel more confident? What makes us continue to believe the lies we learned (like good students) so early on? We have a right to outgrow limiting beliefs and learn some new stories - we can do it.
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