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When you consult with a millennial social worker about to lead a high school group that stresses her out and she creates a meme with the mantra that you gave her to build her confidence.
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It is being an adult in relationships - balancing the "parent" (rules & responsibilities) and "baby" (needs & wants) parts in ourselves in order to be whole and integrated. We were either raised to be this way or we learned it along the way to maturity.
Our own balance brings out the balance in others because we are not trying to rescue and thus give others the opportunity to save themselves.
If we chronically do too much for others, bending over backwards, then we run the risk of becoming resentful and stressed out.
The target of our over-care is also at risk of becoming resentful from being chronically rescued and infantilized ("What, you think I'm not capable of doing it or figuring it out? You don't think I have a right to succeed or fail if I want to??).
Over-performing in the lives of others (co-dependence) at our own expense (self-neglect) does not end well for anybody.
If you're caught in a cycle of focusing too much on your "parent" part (being overly responsible for others), then your "baby" part is crying out for equal time (because your own needs are being neglected).
An antidote is deciding to have some fun.
Another is to figure out how we got so out of whack in the first place! What underlying beliefs need to change to keep us in balance?
Core beliefs can make you well.
I'm lovable, competent, strong, and whole.
There are people I can trust.
The world is usually a safe place.
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