Monday, January 7, 2013

Happy Adulthood

My Clinical Supervisor, Reevah Simon, always taught me that in relationships, things always equal 100%.  

If one partner is overly responsible - a big Parent part (80%) and small Child part (20%), then they are attracted to/are a magnet for a partner that is not very responsible - a small Parent part (20%) and a big Child part (80%).

80% + 20% = 100%.
20% + 80% = 100%

In the drawing below, a person with "unbalanced circles" is drawn to a person with complementary "unbalanced circles."  

We tend to be in relationships with people that match our neuroses somehow.

This is true for any relationship - parent-child, friends, partners, helping professional-client, and so on.

The aim is not to change our partner (impossible!) but to change, or balance, ourselves.  The goal is integration - that is, a balance between our parent, adult and child parts.  Once we have these parts in balance - we attract similarly balanced others into our lives (because it has to equal 100%).

The Parent part contains the rules, norms, values, principles, guidelines, etc.

The Child part contains the sexual and aggressive drives, the fun and pleasure-seeking part, the part that wants-what-it-wants-when-it-wants-it.  The part that feels the pain of envy, jealousy and abandonment.  The part that wants "all for me and none for you."

The Adult part is the Executive-in-Charge and chooses based on what the Child wants and what the Parent expects.  The Adult part decides what to do & takes action.

In a healthy adult, the Child gets some of what it demands and the Parent gets some of what it demands, but neither takes over, feels neglected or left out.  That's harmony, integration, wholeness and balance.

Have a happy adulthood :)

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