Friday, October 5, 2012

Secrets, Truth & Freedom

Iyanla Vanzant is back on Oprah - thank God for reconciliations and reunions.  I recommend her book, In The Meantime, to all single folks wondering what to do (self-work) while we are between love partners.

I watched one of her show's last night about family secrets and it resonated with my research interest on open family communication.  Here are highlights of some of the insights:
  • No family secret is worth the shame, sadness & energy it brings into the world.
  • I had a hard time telling my family my secret because it caused so much pain for me and I didn't know how to tell them.
  • Family, please forgive me for believing you couldn't handle the truth.
  • Family, please forgive me for withholding the truth.  I didn't know how to heal myself.
  • By keeping my secret, I betrayed their trust.  
  • Sometimes, parents teach their children how to lie by hiding what they believe is shameful - which is what makes it so shameful.
  • Secrecy and lies create a crazy-making and toxic environment.
  • It is time to be free!
  • Release the secret and be free!
  • Come clean.
  • Make a behavior change request of your loved one with a consequence and then move forward.
  • Tell the truth - step out into the unknown and dare to be loved as we are.  Don't be more concerned about how they will respond initially.  Principled speaking means we tell the truth despite the cost and trust that the truth will win out.

Amen and Thank You, Yesus.  All this truth-telling at the risk of ostracism and shunning is already paying off.  All I gotta be is myself. sigh.

Are we human or are we dancer?
--The Killers

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