Thursday, July 2, 2015

Not an Easy Target

we want what we want, when we want it.  that's human and not pathological.

but sometimes, we try to push it.

a writer suggested a book called, "who's pulling your strings? how to break the cycle of manipulation and regain control of your life" - an important read.

it turns out the best protection against manipulation is resistance.  but to be able to resist you gotta be grounded in your own self-love and you gotta know yourself better than the potential manipulator. you gotta be whole.

we got blind spots. they are pretty common and universal. the manipulator knows them, plays on them and uses them as bait:

money
power
position/status
security
love
sexual fulfillment
approval
acceptance
commitment
family
spouse
children
life partner
long-term relationship
happiness
freedom from worry
job/career attainments
praise
reassurance
material possessions/gifts
friends/companionship
success/achievement
good physical and emotional health
relaxation
laughter
self-esteem
freedom
education
competence

Ask yourself, what do i want most or need at this point in my life?  how bad do i want it? what am i willing to sacrifice for it?

a manipulator uses any of these wants or needs as blackmail.  i give you this thingie that you really, really want and you give me what i want.  except you don't ever get what you want, no matter how much you give. what you get is the promise of what you want (the carrot) or the threat of never getting what you want (the stick). it's the promise and/or the threat that keeps you in the game until you decide to walk away.

one day you realize that you can get what you want or need without the manipulator. that's your freedom. sometimes the realization takes months, years, decades.  the longer it takes, the harder it may be to walk away. so much time invested. maybe it's easy - because you are tired of waiting for godot.

whatever it is you really, really want, you can do it. i believe in you.

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