Pendulum Swings

I distinctly remember that in college, my attitude about speaking up was: "it is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt." I was firmly entrenched in what sociologists call "the silent ghetto" in the "back row of class".

I often say that, back then I was an amoeba of who I am today. It feels like the last couple of decades have been devoted to finding my voice and using it.

Different people, books, jobs and personal experiences helped nurture and shape the voice that I project today. And just as I espouse and advocate the value of open communication, including confrontation, I am discovering the literature about topic avoidance and concealment.

In the book, Chinese Conflict Management and Resolution by Ringo Ma, the author writes:

"Research on language difference also found that people in a culture where direct communication style is emphasized are more likely to adopt a confrontational style in conflict. In contrast, people in cultures where an indirect communication style is emphasized tend to be more silent and avoid saying no in conflict situations in order to maintain a harmonious relationship."

This has personal, professional and organizational implications! How do I raise my daughter? Speak up, use your voice, challenge discrimination and social injustice? Or "go along to get along" lest you become an outsider of the in-group that prefers indirect communication styles? I feel like I worked my way out of the old world ideas about a woman's place and voice. Yet, in some circles, old world ideas predominate. I love harmony and balance, but not at the risk of stifling my voice or your voice or her voice.