trying new things even though you’re scared

Working as a school social worker in an elementary school in South L.A., five years post-masters (that is, not a total beginner and not-quite seasoned but had seen a lot), I was approached by a mother, from my parenting group, requesting a referral for a psychological assessment. Her immigration lawyer advised that she get one done for her upcoming court deportation proceeding. Her husband and she were in the process of being deported to their respective countries of origin – Guatemala and Mexico. Their two school-age children and baby-on-the-way were U.S. born.

I wanted to help her get an assessment that would ultimately allow her and her husband to stay in this country with their children, but I didn’t know of any psychologists specialized to do this. I referred her to a local community mental health center, but they turned her away because they needed longer than the one month before her court date to complete the assessment. I called a colleague, who is a psychologist, for a referral but he was not aware of any such specialty service and in the meantime, the clock was ticking…

So I called my supervisor and who do you think she suggested do it? … me! She thought that it would be appropriate for me to do this!!! Me, who had never ever conducted a psychological evaluation for court. I had not done many in my practice up to that point, much less for court. With so much riding on the outcome, I realized -- I am doing this – at this point, given the time frame - I am the only person who can do it for this mom – I immediately asked for help.

Who on a school campus completes evaluations regularly? School psychologists! And it just so happened that our school psychologist was a good friend of mine and an MSW. So even though she had a list of students that needed to be tested – she agreed to help me. Also, I asked mom for a sample psychological evaluation from her lawyer – one that had been used successfully in a previous deportation proceeding.

Armed with a sample and my conspiring friend, we met with the 4th grader to do an evaluation. We used Robert’s Apperception tests and standard biopsychosocial assessment questions to complete the evaluation. I remember sitting next to my friend and waiting for the document to print after-school, right before mother came to get it for the appointment with her lawyer. I remember nervously handing it to her just in time.

She went to court and reported to me later that the judge accepted the letter and let parents stay in the country - but - the judge scheduled another court hearing - to be held in one year - and requested that I attend to testify in court about what I had written in the evaluation!!!

The school psychologist left our school district at the end of that school year and I left that school the following year so by the time the next court date rolled around, I was at a high school in the Valley. The Parent Representative at my previous school had to track me down to tell me I was being summoned to court.

On the cold and quiet early morning of January 2nd, 2003, I showed up to court. I was on Winter break and bereavement leave. My mother had died on December 11th, just a few weeks before. I was emotionally exhausted, sleepy and scared. In mourning, grieving trumped all other feelings. I prayed silently in the hallway before I was called in to testify and sworn in. The lawyer for INS tried to discredit me as an expert witness, but surprisingly, I felt nothing. I was mildly annoyed because she was a Latina, like me, and all I could think was, does your mother know where you are and what you are doing? The judge asked me some questions about Berkeley (where I went to grad school) and the INS lawyer asked me if I was being paid to testify (no) and whether or not I was qualified to diagnose (yes).

The judge asked me a lot of questions about what I thought the children’s reactions would be if their parents were deported. I talked about the family's unity and how their attachment bonds, demonstrated in the way that these family members spoke about and interacted with each other, were mitigating the stress of the deportation proceedings while also causing worry and stress about the potential loss of those bonds. In our interviews and tests with the 4th grader, it was evident he could not stop thinking about court as he would sometimes repeat the same sentence over and over when asked about the trial. I said kids are resilient, but how would they bounce back after losing the very people that helped them weather the storms? Then I went into overdrive. I threw in something about our values - as codified in child welfare and immigration laws – that families belong together. And how our laws value family stability and reunification. And since I was mourning my mother, a life-long advocate and tireless supporter of immigrants her entire life, I talked about how profound the loss of a parent can be. If a 35-year-old woman can become completely undone by the loss of her mother, then I can only imagine what kind of impact that would have on a 9-year-old and a 6-year-old.

I took a risk, a big risk, used my voice, challenged my skills, asked for help. The next day I got a call saying that the judge had ordered that parents could stay. The so-called Latina lawyer from INS filed an appeal.

That experience changed me a little. I had always been persistent, but now I had greater confidence that no matter what challenge I was faced with, it was truly possible to figure things out. Nothing can prepare you for everything that may come up in the line of duty. What fuels my confidence now is the hope that I can figure it out, with enough help, I can figure it out.

Last month, this mother found me on Facebook. She was working at the elementary school where this all started. The kids are doing well - now 16, 13 and 7 - the oldest is in high school. All I can say is, Thank You, Yesus. This one is dedicated to Irene Acuña - the best advocate and role model a girl could ever have. Amen.