Is building self-esteem a counseling goal or a by-product of mastery and competence?
California (of course) created the California Task Force to Promote Self Esteem and Personal and Social Responsibility. Who doesn't like self-esteem?
But in his book, the Optimistic Child, Martin Seligman describes self-esteem as a result of being good at something (i.e., mastery, competence or achievement) and not counseling. Emmy Werner echoes this in her suggestion to focus on reading skills for resiliency over "self-esteem" counseling.
No matter what counseling curriculum is used to promote self-esteem, what is Juanito going to believe when he goes back to class and he knows he can't read?
One of Seligman's criticisms is that "the self esteem movement cares more for feeling good than for doing well." He also connects self-esteem to feeling worthless, helpless and passive when depressed. (try googling Martin Seligman and self-esteem)
This makes me think about how core beliefs about self are influenced by level of attachment security. Those early caregiving relationships instill internal working models (or core beliefs) that shape expectations about the helpfulness of others, our ability to rally support and our worthiness to receive help.
Core beliefs about self can also be changed by exposure to trauma. Temporarily feeling helpless in a traumatic event can lead to a generalized belief that "I am incompetent."
Is it time to shift our emphasis to produce lasting effects on self-esteem?
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My high school senior. When she was born and breastfeeding every two hours, 24-7, and I couldn’t shower or read the Sunday paper anymor...
Great! Thanks for the clarity. This resonates with me as a former teacher. On a personal note, what I notice is so valuable about meaningful relationships for teens outside of the home, with other adults, is that they begin to feel good about being able to have "feel good" relationship and that can slowly snowball into feelings of confidence and competence in other areas.
ReplyDeletehi alex--
ReplyDeletei wanted to share comments on self-esteem.
Te voy a compartir una historia de mi infancia, mi recuerdo mas temprano de no sentirme suficiente para el mundo fue para una temporada navideña, una tía me inscribió como voluntaria a salir de angelito junto a una prima de mi misma edad (6 anos) en un desfile del pueblo, cuando empezamos a ir a los ensayos todos me comparaban con mi prima , según yo no escuchaba de acuerdo con ellos o tal vez pensaban que una nina de 6 anos no se daría cuenta, hacían comentarios de su cabello que lo tenia rubio y rizado y yo no y de su color de piel blanca y yo era morena creo que a partir de ese momento no me sentí suficiente, y nunca vi a mi prima de la misma manera, para mi era el ejemplo de lo que yo no era. Nadie supo esto hasta hace poco mi esposo, pero creo que esto fue el principal problema de mi autoestima, ahora lo veo y se que fue algo insignificante , pero para una nina de 6 anos no lo fue.
ReplyDeleteGracias por compartir tu historia. Es doloroso pensar, escribir or hablar sobre eventos en el pasado que nos causaron dolor, pero asi tambien es la manera que lo dijerimos. Visitando esos tiempos ahora podemos cambiar lo que pensamos y sentimos. A los 6 años te sentias "no suficiente" - ahora podemos ver que eras entera y perfecta tal y como eras al nacer. Lo que necesita cambiar es el racismo y la preferencia a lo blanco, rubio, y guero. Cargaste el veneno de estos problemas sociales en tus pequeños hombres a tan tierna edad. No era justo. Hay que pelear por la justicia social, honrando tu niña de 6 años y todos los niños que sufren por lo mismo.
ReplyDeleteAprecio tu visita a este blog y tu comentario tan valiente.