Practice Elements

What do the best treatments in Parent Training have in common?

Incredible Years:

• Commands
• Time out
• Rewards

PCIT (Parent-Child Interaction Therapy):

• Commands

Defiant Children:

• Commands
• Time out

From Bruce Chorpita, Grand Rounds, UCLA

Clearly, most intervention researchers agree that "Commands" is an essential practice element when training parents.

This may seem obvious but asserting demands or making commands is not always easy for parents to do.

We don't want our kids to hate us for telling them what to do or what not to do.  But if we don't, then who will?  My clinical supervisor, Reevah Simon, used to say, "the police will do it but they won't do it with love."

Either you, as a parent, give in or your child gives in - how does it happen that you give in first?  You must feel you have a very good reason for giving in?

Is there a part of you that wants to be firm and is there a part of you that is scared to be the parent in charge?  Do you think your kids will not love you if you make them angry by telling them what to do/not to do?  What would the firm, fair and caring parent do?