Leading with Love vs. Breaking Spirits

There is an old-school philosophy summarized in the saying, “We need to break them down so we can build them back up.” It's common in the military and law enforcement and was common among horse trainers.  I've also seen it attempted by professors and romantic interests. The intention is to force the horse or individual to become "submissive" through heavy force, intimidation, fear, and punishment.

Fear vs. Love.

Rosbeth Moss Kanter is credited with saying, "Power may be defined as the ability to get things done," but I first heard it from one of my mentors, Mr. Cordova, a community organizing elementary school Principal. The quote resonated and helped me to de-stigmatize and de-mystify power. Zygmunt Bauman elaborated, "Power, in a nutshell, is the ability to get things done, and politics is the ability to decide which things need to be done."

As the rightful leader of your life, what's your go-to super-power - fear or love?

From Matthew 26:51-53: "But one of the men with Jesus pulled out his sword and struck the high priest's slave, slashing off his ear. "Put away your sword," Jesus told him. "Those who use the sword will die by the sword. Don't you realize that I could ask my Father for thousands of angels to protect us, and he would send them instantly?

I believe that love is our greatest power. I have faith in our protection. I am full of power and I choose love over fear.

Publications, publications, publications

I love to investigate phenomena and write - it is one of the main reasons that I pursued a PhD and accepted an academic job. 

During the 5+ years that I worked on a PhD, I did not publish a single paper. I got close with one manuscript, which received a couple of "revise and resubmit" requests from a peer-reviewed journal. 

To be fair, in those five years I juggled co-parenting a teen as head of household, multiple part-time jobs, a separation and divorce, being a full-time student, and self-care. So I am not surprised that publications were not a priority. This limited options in my academic job search.

Now, I am making the time and creating the space to write - it is both a privilege and a pleasure.

Here is my productivity scorecard:

Publications
Acuña. A & Escudero, P. (2015). Helping those who come here alone. Phi Delta Kappan, 97, 42-45.

In press
Acuña, A. & Kataoka, S. (2017). Family Communication Styles and Resilience among Adolescents. Accepted by Social Work. 

Under review
Acuña, A. (2017). Back to Basics® Parenting Program in Urban Schools. 

In progress = 4+
Lessons Learned: Trauma Screening in Schools
The Challenges and Motivations for Academic Success Among Minority Male College Students
College Male Minority Mentoring: Interventions and Outcomes
Trauma-Informed Schools
Other papers in collaboration with mentors, colleagues or students

The milestones and expectations never end but I am lucky to be on this trajectory. I write to reflect on my goals and what I've accomplished. I write to de-mystify the process for anyone interested in pursuing this path. I write to inspire myself and others continually that it is possible - in fact, it is already happening.

Day 14!!

The 10-day sugar detox came and went and I am still going.

If it feels good, then why stop now?

I paired the detox with transcendental meditation (TM) twice a day for 20 minutes each. It was a one-two punch in my life. I feel clear, energized, focused, efficient, healthy, calm, creative and productive.

I am burning through my dream list of things to do. Things are falling into place everywhere - mind, body, spirit, work, home and relationships.

The research showing the impact of TM is compelling. It is deep rest that releases stress - both old and new - and rewires the brain. In this way, it is healing and makes space for incredible insights and creativity and energy.

Every year has a theme and this year my theme is a commitment to deep acts of self-love. Yes, life is supposed to feel this good.

Day 6!

Today is Day 6 of my transcendental meditation practice (twice a day for 20 minutes) and of my sugar detox.

The two practices are complementing each other very well. While others in my sugar detox group complained about headaches and fatigue, I felt clear and energized. I think the TM helped.

I also think that paying attention to what I put in my body - not just sugar but what type of oils and other stuff - is helping my mind work better too.

Now I count the days but later I will lose track because I don't plan on quitting this good feeling.

Self-care is all about love. As babies, our caregivers took care of us and made sure we were safe, warm, fed and comfortable - that's how we survived. As adults, we are our own caregivers. And maybe we have to practice taking as good or better care of ourselves as our caregivers did.

I am committed to these acts of deep love - for myself and my daughter.

This week I gave my daughter the following rules:
1. Sleep at least 8 hours every night.
2. Eat breakfast everyday and take your supplements.
3. Do all your classwork and homework.
4. Feed the dog.
5. Clean up after you bake and pick up all your clothes from the floor.

I told her that I would take her phone away for the day (they are very attached) if she broke any of the rules. I also told her to make a list of possible rewards if she followed these rules for a month, six months and a year. She got very motivated.

My job is to love myself with my actions. I am her role model. My job is to teach her how to love herself with her actions. I do it because I love her. It is my joy to love her.

Sugar Detox

The more I learn about refined sugar - the more convinced I am that it is the white devil.

Here are some of my notes from a Sugar Detox workshop by Luz Chacón:

• Dementia and impotence can be called Type 3 Diabetes because they are complications of diabetes
• Wheat acts like sugar in our bodies.
• Sugar is 8 times more addictive than cocaine.
• It is recommended that women have no more than 6 tsp of sugar per day.
• We are being manipulated for profit by the food industry.
• Sugar is linked to heart disease, cancer, type 2 diabetes, dementia, impotence, depression/mood swings, anxiety, acne, infertility, non-alcoholic fatty liver disease, hyperactivity, acid reflux/heartburn, irritable bowel syndrome, fatigue, migraines, rashes, premature aging.
• Lower insulin levels by reducing or eliminating sugar and flour.
• A sugar detox can reset your brain and body and minimize cravings.
• Satisfy sugar or carb cravings with sweet veggies like beets, yams, sweet potatoes.
• Have fruit for dessert to satisfy your sweet tooth.
• Replace sugar in recipes with dates or Stevia.
• Replace white flour in recipes with rolled oats or almond flour.
• Avoid food with any type of sugar in the first 4 ingredients.

Sugar Addiction Quiz (True or False)

1. I don't eat refined sugar every day
2. I can go more than a day without eating some kind of sugar-containing food.
3. I never have cravings for sugar, coffee, chocolate, peanut butter or alcohol.
4. I've never hidden sweets around the house so I can eat them later.
5. I can stop after eating one bite of pastry or one piece of candy.
6. There are times when I have no sugar around the house.
7. I can have sweets in the house without eating them.
8. I can go at least 3 hours without eating without shakes, fatigue or bad moods.
9. I do not eat something sweet after every meal.
10. I rarely drink coffee or eat donuts or sweet rolls for breakfast.
11. I can go more than an hour after waking without eating.
12. I don't drink sweetened soft drinks every day.

Four or more "False" responses and you're in the danger zone.

Stars Aligning

Day 1 of 10-day sugar detox, joined by my sister and thanks to my health coach. I made huevos a la mexicana for breakfast and packed my green drink for lunch later. I even made veggie soup for my daughters' lunches this week.

Day 1 of Transcendental Meditation (TM) training, thanks to the David Lynch Foundation, which trains students in schools, veterans and women/girl survivors of assault.

This is the start of a great 2017. Feeling motivated and clean.

Here are my notes about TM:

• It takes 20 minutes/twice per day to recharge, develop stillness and wholeness. 
• You release stress 2 times a day so it doesn't build up.
• Over time, the benefits accumulate - you feel clear and energized.
• It's a preparation for activity (for example, students might do it before doing their homework).
• It helps you to connect to your inner silence - the silent part of you. Like the part of the ocean that is miles deep.
• It is a basic technology that anyone can use. If you can think a thought, you can learn TM. It's a technology - not a belief system. It is not a cult - there is no leader telling you how to live.
• TM is about waking up your consciousness.
• Rest is how the body heals. Your body's natural intelligence takes over and knows what to do to heal. The body is healing from within.
• The mind and body is less active - TM is profound/deep rest. It is 2 times deeper than sleep. It is more efficient.
• It is a reboot or re-set for your brain.
• TM helps you function in a calmer way.
• TM is like shock absorbers on a car - it provides cushion and resilience on the bumpy road of life.
• TM is getting rid of the blocks to become more of who you are.
• Resting is how the body heals stress.
• TM is an ancient indigenous knowledge from India. Indigenous knowledge can be lost in one generation. It is a cultural/traditional practice vs. religious.
• TM is waking up all of our potential/creativity.
• TM is training the brain to function in a different way. The brain begins to act as a whole. TM boosts IQ and creativity. There is more blood flow to the pre-frontal cortex with TM - to think more clearly. 
• Transcending - Peter's (DLF TM teacher) description of "transcending" reminded me of the feeling I have when I get a gifted massage, or when I do yoga or when I've had hypnotherapy, acupuncture or reiki - I go to a different place where I'm like asleep but I'm not. I call it a meditative state - it feels really deep and restful.  He gave me the book, "Transcendence" by Norman E. Rosenthal. I'll post notes on it as I read it, I'm sure.

The Light of Truth

For those at risk of manipulation by fake promises and empty threats in micro- and macro-relationships...

So do not be afraid of them. For nothing is concealed that will not be uncovered, or hidden that will not be made known. Matthew 10:26 

For all that is secret will eventually be brought into the open, and everything that is concealed will be brought to light and made known to all. Luke 8:17 

Not only will the truth come out to set you free but it will be made known to all!

The smear campaign will backfire.

There is nothing more frightening to the manipulator than being exposed to public humiliation.

Let his undoing be his own doing.