Trauma, Silence, Disclosure & Health

"Upheavals that were kept secret were more likely to result in health problems than those that could be spoken about more openly."

"Individuals who were victims of violence and who had kept this experience silent were significantly more likely to have adverse health effects than those who openly talked with others."

"Having any type of traumatic experience is associated with elevated illness rates; having any trauma and not talking about it further elevates the risk."

"Keeping a trauma secret from an intact social network is more unhealthy than not having a social network to begin with."

Pennebaker & Chung, 2007

I love science

“The thing that differentiates scientists is purely an artistic ability to discern what is a good idea, what is beautiful idea, what is worth spending time on, and most importantly what is a problem sufficiently interesting yet sufficiently difficult that hasn’t been solved but the time for solving it has come now.”

Savas Dimopolous

Theoretical Particle Physicist

Stanford University

Right Here, Right Now

On Friday, May 23, 2014, I passed my dissertation oral defense, with revisions (this means I gotta address the changes recommended by my committee before submitting the final draft of the dissertation to UCLA and the Library).

UCLA Luskin School of Public Affairs graduation program, June 2014

I was having a panic attack right before the defense so I reached out to a good friend and actor - he offered emotional support and a host of tips to cope with performance anxiety. It helped a lot.  Thank you, Randy, my Mexican-American Richard Gere.

Randy Vasquez at LA premier of movie, "Volando Bajo"

After passing the defense, I could not stop smiling.  I walked the streets near the beach and on the beach all night.  I know I appeared odd by the looks I got from strangers but I did not care because the defense was over, for good.

View of Santa Monica pier while laying on the beach and feeling fistfuls of sand fall through my fingers

On Friday, June 13, 2014, I participated in graduation.  It was a magical day. Truly.

My daughter in the victory stance

Me in my electric blue robe

That's why I do it

I'm officially smarter today

On Thursday, June 19, 2014, I flew to Hawaii to celebrate with my daughter.  It was a magical trip.  Truly.  "Mom, you are so annoying," said my daughter on the third day.  I deserved it.  I had been gushing non-stop :)  I was relentlessly joyful.

Yes, this happened and it was that beautiful

I am middle aged and the next 45 years of my life feel bright with hope.

I am working six days a week for the next four weeks.  Thereafter, I will juggle part-time jobs, including teaching grad school courses in social work, until I secure a tenure-track Assistant Professor position somewhere.  Or God's plans will take me in another direction.  I'm open.

I attended some workshops on documentary film making so I'm planning to write a research and development proposal for a documentary about the life, art, trauma and resilience of one of my mentors.  Normally guarded, he has readily given me the green light to proceed.

I'm in the moment and I'm smiling.

Me happy

Integrating Evidence and Clinical Judgment

--> It is not ethical or compassionate for us, as service providers, to shape programs by our intentions when we lack evidence for our practice decisions (Rubin & Bellamy, 2012).

The Complexity of Resilience

Since resilience may occur in at least one domain (say, academic, social, emotional), it is possible for a child to be resilient and still suffer from the residual effects of trauma.

Evidence suggests that adolescents identified as resilient scored high on anxiety and depression scales and urban adolescents in particular scored high on emotional distress scales despite showing intellectual and social competence.

Whether social adaptation, operationalized in terms of success in meeting societal expectations of behavior, exacts an emotional toll or fails to ameliorate psychological dysfunction resulting from the experience of adversity is not clear.

Researchers have described resilience as a process that helps youth to mend, albeit with a cracked shell.

(Resnick & Taliaferro, 2011; Baum, 2004; Howard, 1996; Hunter, 2001; Howard, 1996)

Letting Go

Ex-Wife:  I'm glad I chose to love you, even though it broke my heart.  It's all good. Take care.

Ex-Husband:  Yes. That makes two of us.

Unlimited Possibilities

I write about the good news in my life - not in a back-door FB braggy way - but to provide a living example that the impossible is possible.  The possibilities are endless.

I am surrounded by people with more or less smarts, more or less $$, more or less attractiveness, more or less _______.  What has seemed to matter more are my beliefs.

Beliefs can make a sugar pill (placebo) beat a new drug in clinical trials.  Researchers find this annoying.  I think it's pretty cool and spend a lot of time thinking about how to bottle it, then give it away for free.

I am a deeply spiritual person so my beliefs come from my faith in God and that God loves us.  But I have seen that a faith in God is not required in order to believe in unlimited possibilities. 

I love my daughter and there is not a train I would not jump in front of in order to protect her.  There is not a person I wouldn't face in order to stand up for her.  There is not a thing I wouldn't do for her.  She knows mama bear has got her back. 

I can do all that because this mama feels that God has got my back.  I feel that God wants to protect us.  Because that's just what a loving parent does.

I believed that I would get here and now I'm here.  There was a lot of work and pain and joy in between, fer sure.  But life is full of work and pain and joy whether or not you do what you came here to do. 

Paraphrasing a theologian, if God gave you a passion or talent for something, then there is a hunger or need in the world for it.   

I am passionate about loving and being loved.  I am passionate about learning, reading, asking questions, seeking answers, writing things down, creating joy, and spreading hope and good news.  I am doing all of this because this is what I came to do and I believe.

What did you come here to do? What do you believe?