The. Final. Stretch.

I have written to keep track of ideas, articles and references over the last 5 (!) years.

I have written to help me make sense of what I got myself into.

When I meet or get an email from someone about the blog, I realize this experience serves others too.

I got a request to write about the time commitment of a PhD program.  Here's the quick and dirty, Alison:

1st year: 2009-2010

• 2-3 hours of daily carpool commute with a lovely classmate
• Three 3-hour courses per quarter:  Epistemology, Research Methods, Statistics, Policy, etc.
• Lots of reading and writing.  I remember sitting for 6-12 hours a day to read articles and write papers. Seminars for doctoral students are small, which means you gotta do the reading and present or get called on to summarize the thesis of a book.
• Working a part-time job 10 to 20 hours a week.
• A 6-hour comprehensive examination (four essays) at the end of the first year (brutal).
• No time for friends, exercise, movies or reading the Sunday paper, etc.
• Gained 10-15 lbs. (sitting and stress eating during study times).

2nd year: 2010-2011

• 2-3 hour commute, two days a week, but this time without my lovely carpool partner.  We took different courses based on our research interests.
• Two or three 3-hour courses per quarter.  Cool courses in other departments:  Latin American Medicine, Shamanism and Folk Illness (Community Health Sciences), Family Therapy (Psychology), Stress & Disease (Psychology), Community Partnered Participatory Research (Health Services), Social Marketing (Community Health Sciences).
• Research internship.
• Working a part-time job 20 hours a week.
• Lots of reading and writing.  
• Began writing publishable paper (second comprehensive written examination required by the doctoral program)
• Exercise, nutritional cleanse, dancing, lost 20 lbs.

3rd year: 2011-2012

• Done with coursework, so now I am writing at home (publishable paper).
• Exhausted.
• Publishable paper approved.
• Teaching and working a part-time job about 20 hours/week.

4th year:  2012-2013

• Awarded fellowship to work on dissertation proposal.  
• Teaching and working a part-time job about 10-30 hours/week.
• Successfully defended dissertation proposal.

5th year: 2013-2014

• Working full-time (several part-time jobs).
• Submitted manuscript for publication.
• Requested IRB approvals from University and school districts for dissertation study.
• Data collection and analysis.
• Drafting results and discussion chapters of dissertation.
• Schedule defense for May.
• File dissertation by June.
• Graduate on June 13 :)

Structural Family Therapy Tenet

"One of the central tenets of family systems theory is that the child, the identified patient, is serving an active role in holding the family together by helping the family avoid other problems...the structural family therapy assumption [is] that treating the whole family is important because it improves the symptoms and protects the family, whereas treating only the child may result in deteriorated family functioning."
Szapocznik et al., 1989

Lovable

"We go back...and back...and back...through the layers of fear, shame, rage, hurt and negative incantations until we discover the exuberant, unencumbered, delightful, and lovable child that was, and still is, in us."

melody beattie

Consistency = Trust

"I think that sociopaths (particularly young ones) actually feel happier and thrive better in a world of clearly defined boundaries; when rules are consistently enforced, the child will just start to take them as a given.  I certainly did. I think simple cause-and-effect rules with clear, predictable outcomes for compliance or violation encourage the young sociopath to think of life as an interesting puzzle that can be gamed.  As long as the young sociopath believes that she can acquire some advantage through skillful planning and execution (and finds some level of success, which I feel is almost a given), she will stay committed to the structure of the game you have set up...

The worst thing that parents can do is to be inconsistent.  It makes the child sociopath think that the game is rigged; in that case, it doesn't matter what he does, except to the extent that he can out-cheat the cheater (typically the parent).  Providing me a system defined by clear incentives, my parents laid out a way for me to gain positive benefits while exercising my sociopathic traits.  I didn't have to rely on the soft intangibles of empathy or emotion to get what I needed."

from Confessions of a Sociopath by M.E. Thomas

Evil?

"What makes Iago evil? some people ask.  I never ask."

That's the first line of Joan Didion's Play It As It Lays.

Why doesn't Didion's Maria ask??  Maybe she already knows (her dark side).  Maybe she doesn't care (depression, nihilism, ennui?).

Well, I wanna know!  Don't you?

First, let me introduce you to Iago, the puppet master in Shakespeare's Othello.

Othello includes themes of racism, love, jealousy and betrayal with the following central characters:

• Othello (a Moorish General)
• Desdemona (his new wife)
• Cassio (his lieutenant)
• Iago (his trusted junior officer)
• Rodrigo (pines for Desdemona)
• Emilia (Iago's wife and Desdemona's maidservant)
• Bianca (Cassio's lover)

Iago hates Othello for promoting a younger man, Cassio, above Iago (ENVY).

Iago tells Roderigo that he plans to use Othello for his own advantage (MANIPULATION).

Iago persuades lovesick Roderigo to tell Desdemona's father about Othello & Desdemona's elopement and get Othello accused of seducing her with witchcraft (RACISM).

Iago persuades Roderigo to get into a fight with Cassio.  Othello blames Cassio for the fight and strips him of his new rank (MANIPULATION).

Now Iago persuades Cassio to persuade Desdemona to appeal to Othello on Cassio's behalf (MANIPULATION).

Then Iago persuades Othello to be suspicious of Desdemona's relationship with Cassio (MANIPULATION).

Iago convinces Othello that a planted handkerchief was received by Cassio from Desdemona (GOSSIP & MANIPULATION).

Enraged and hurt, Othello resolves to kill his wife and asks Iago to kill Cassio. Othello proceeds to make Desdemona's life miserable, hitting her in front of visiting nobles (EGO, INSECURITY, ENVY & JEALOUSY).

Roderigo complains that he has received nothing from Iago in return for his money and efforts to win Desdemona, but Iago convinces him to kill Cassio. They fight, and Cassio mortally wounds Roderigo (MANIPULATION).

During the scuffle, Iago comes from behind Cassio and badly cuts his leg. In the darkness, Iago manages to hide his identity, and when passers-by hear Cassio's cries for help, Iago joins them, pretending to help Cassio (LIES, DECEPTION & MANIPULATION).

When Cassio identifies Roderigo as one of his attackers, Iago quietly stabs Roderigo to stop him from revealing the plot (MURDER, SAVING FACE/IMAGE).

Iago then accuses Bianca of the failed conspiracy to kill Cassio (GOSSIP & LIES).

In the night, Othello confronts Desdemona, and then smothers her to death in their bed (JEALOUSY, SAVING FACE, MURDER).

When Emilia arrives, Othello tries to justify his actions by accusing Desdemona of adultery (JUSTIFICATION FOR VIOLENCE). Emilia calls for help (SUPPORT SYSTEM). The Governor arrives, with Iago, Cassio, and others, and Emilia begins to explain the situation (TRUTH). When Othello mentions the handkerchief as proof, Emilia realizes what Iago has done, and she exposes him, whereupon Iago kills her (SAVING FACE/IMAGE, MURDER & REVENGE).

Othello, belatedly realizing Desdemona's innocence, stabs Iago but not fatally, saying that he would rather have Iago live the rest of his life in pain (BETRAYAL & REVENGE).

Iago refuses to explain his motives, vowing to remain silent from that moment on (THE PLAYER RAN OUT OF GAME, THE JIG IS UP, CLAIMING THE 5TH).

Both Iago and Othello are apprehended for the murders, but Othello commits suicide with a dagger. Othello's successor exhorts Cassio to have Iago justly punished (JUSTICE).

In Confessions of a Sociopath, M.E. Thomas (pseudonym) writes:

"I don't feel that anything is inherently wrongful.  But more important, I am never compelled to refrain from doing something merely because it is wrong - only because doing so would result in undesirable consequences.  Thus, evil has no special meaning for me.  There is no mystery in it.  It is a word to describe a sense of wrongness that I do not feel."

Notice how Iago persuades (clever-smooth-talking-con-artist) everyone else to do his bidding - not because he feels it is wrong but because he doesn't want the "undesirable consequences" for himself.  However, when he can secretly kill, he does.

There is no mystery in evil for M.E. Thomas (and possibly for Didion's Maria) because "it is a word to describe a sense of wrongness" that they don't feel.

For empaths, there is guilt and pain associated with doing wrong.  For sociopaths, there are no such pesky feelings to get in the way or stop them.  So actions are taken that are perceived as advantageous, albeit risky, because they can.  (Remember: "I did it . . . because I could!" -- Bill Clinton).  I mean, they've got nothing to lose.

Or do they?

M.E. Thomas offers:

"Sometimes in choosing to manipulate or exploit weaknesses in others, you create vulnerabilities in yourself, for example by harming your reputation or feeding an addiction to increasingly outrageous antisocial behavior.  Controlling your impulses also allows sociopaths to overcome our isolation by forming long-term, meaningful relationships.  Sociopaths who truly seek to cultivate power realize that the greatest power they can acquire is power over themselves."

Further, Thomas notes that, "Psychologists look at the list of sociopathic traits (i.e., charm, manipulation, lying, promiscuity, chameleonism, mask wearing, and lack of empathy) and think they understand the 'what,' but they don't understand the 'how.'  I believe the 'how,' the origin of many of our observed behaviors, is that we don't have a rigid sense of self.  I believe that this is the predominant defining characteristic of a sociopath."

No true sense of self, that may be the core issue.

Kevin Cameron, an international expert on violence, calls this being an "empty vessel." Cameron noticed the dramatic lack of connection between young people and healthy mature adults, particularly among many young people making threats of violence and almost all of school shooters. These youth shared a lack of clear identity, place, and purpose. Their parental and other adult relationships were often marked by extremes on a continuum from neglect to over-involvement. Some experiencing both extremes at different times and others experiencing predominately one or the other.

Giving young people (and ourselves) a clear identity, place and purpose may help to save us from ourselves and our darkest impulses.

What We Love about Therapy

"Once in therapy, clients reported the sessions to be a safe haven of comfort and hope where they could experience a respectful and relaxed atmosphere in which to converse. 

Those clients expressing a positive experience with therapy had a tendency to use words such as:

• supportive
• unbiased
• nonjudgmental
• warmth
• feeling accepted
• engaged
• context for change
• collaborative
• comfortable
• caring 
• involvement
• trust
• understanding

Of critical importance to some clients was having a regularly scheduled session where they could:

(a) interact with each other differently,
(b) limit the influence of their everyday problems, and
(c) focus on relationships."

Chenail, R.J., St. George, S., Wulf, D., Duffy, M., Scott, K.W., & Tomm, K. (2012).  Clients' relational conceptions of conjoint, couple and family therapy quality: a grounded formal theory. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 38(1), 241-264.

Fears about Therapy

"Along with feelings of hopefulness, clients may be concerned about
(a) how they will be treated,
(b) whether or not they will be treated sensitively
(c) whether or not therapists would be trained sufficiently to be trusted with sensitive issues, and
(d) what pain they may suffer in therapy."

(Chenail et al., 2012)