Self-Caring

"...self-caring, including maintaining a healthy diet, getting sufficient sleep, and treating one's self with compassion, care, and kindness have been found to lower stress and promote positive psychological well-being (Leary & DeRosier, 2012)."

We are "parent-adult-child" in varying degrees - hopefully in balance.

The "adult" part of us is responsible for making self-loving choices in terms of diet, sleep, self-acceptance, self-respect and self-worth.

Sometimes it takes a lifetime to achieve this. I want my daughter to be so well-accustomed to self-caring that it becomes her default for life. It's one of my goals as her mom. Some days it's easier than others but I am tenacious.

Mad Skillz for the Apocalypse

"Research supports the existence of a number of factors that have been associated with positive responses in the face of stress, including 

• social support and having a close social network  

• taking care of one's self physically as well as mentally

• possessing particular skills (i.e., self-regulation, cognitive flexibility) 

• and the style with which one thinks about the past and future events (i.e., optimism, pessimism) (Leary & DeRosier, 2012)."

"Moreover, such factors seem to have a cumulative effect on stress such that persons possessing a greater number of protective factors are more likely to adapt positively in the face of stress and display resilience (Leary & DeRosier, 2012)."

As my teenage daughter would say, "I'm stockpiling skills for the apocalypse."

What skills get you through your own apocalyptic moments? And do those skills have side effects? The trick is stumbling upon skills that are safe and then stockpiling them so they crowd out the coping skills that hurt yourself and others.

Defining key terms:

Social support is the perception and actuality that one is cared for, has assistance available from other people, and that one is part of a supportive social network. Social support means having friends and other people, including family, to turn to in times of need or crisis to give you a broader focus and positive self-image. Social support enhances quality of life and provides a buffer against adverse life events. Social support can take different forms:

• Emotional (sometimes called non-tangible) support refers to the actions people take to make someone else feel cared for.
• Instrumental support refers to the physical, such as money and housekeeping.
• Informational support means providing information to help someone.

Self-Care is what people do for themselves to establish and maintain health, and to prevent and deal with illness. It is a broad concept encompassing hygiene (general and personal), nutrition (type and quality of food eaten), lifestyle (sporting activities, leisure etc), environmental factors (living conditions, social habits, etc.) socio-economic factors (income level, cultural beliefs, etc.) and self-medication (World Health Organisation, 1988).

Self-regulation is the ability to monitor and control our own behavior, emotions, or thoughts, altering them in accordance with the demands of the situation.

Emotional self-regulation or regulation of emotion is the ability to respond to the ongoing demands of experience with the range of emotions in a manner that is socially tolerable and sufficiently flexible to permit spontaneous reactions as well as the ability to delay spontaneous reactions as needed.

Self-regulation theory (SRT) is a system of conscious personal management that involves the process of guiding one's own thoughts, behaviors, and feelings to reach goals.

Cognitive flexibility is the human ability to adapt the cognitive processing strategies to face new and unexpected conditions in the environment (Cañas, Quesada, Antolí and Fajardo, 2003).

Optimism is hopefulness and confidence about the future or the successful outcome of something.

Resilience is the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or significant sources of stress — such as family and relationship problems, serious health problems or workplace and financial stressors. It means "bouncing back" from difficult experiences.

Antidote to Fear

"Nothing real can be threatened.
Nothing unreal exists.
Herein lies the peace of God."

From "A Course in Miracles"

Do you have the ovaries to do the right thing?

Moral courage is the courage to take action for moral reasons despite the risk of adverse consequences.

Courage is required to take action when one has doubts or fears about the consequences.

Moral courage therefore involves deliberation or careful thought.

from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moral_courage

Reflections on Truth

“When you write your truth, it is a love offering to the world because it helps us feel braver and less alone.”
― Glennon Doyle Melton

 “[The child] must be warned that her truth will undoubtedly make some people uneasy and angry, so she'll need to share it strategically, perhaps through art, which God offers as a safe way to express joy and madness. And she'll need a trusted person to help her find her medium, so she won't feel that she has to hide or hold her breath any longer. Because when she exhales, she'll discover that she's created the space to inhale again, and that will keep her going. And this, the importance of this lesson, is why I became a teacher.”
― Glennon Doyle Melton

"Some people are desperate for it like they need air. It’s worth all the rejection you get when you’re real. Every time you tell the truth it just clears the field for everybody to tell the truth. And then the truth gets bigger and bigger." ― Glennon Doyle Melton

"And Glennon, that’s what you do for me. You make me want to share my truth. You make me want to be more myself. Thank you."
― Oprah Winfrey

"Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth."
― Buddha

"Tell the children the truth."
― Bob Marley

"Be truthful, nature only sides with truth."
―  Adolf Loos

"I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. This is why right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant."
― Martin Luther King, Jr.

“Truth without love is brutality, and love without truth is hypocrisy.”
― Warren W. Wiersbe

“Proclaim the truth and do not be silent through fear.”
― Catherine of Siena

“Once exposed, a secret loses all its power.”
― Ann Aguirre, Grimspace

1 John 3:18 Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.

John 8:31-32 … So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed in him, “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

Reflections on Fear...

Reflections on fear...

"If I follow your stress, it will lead me to your deepest fear." Tony Robbins.

“If you try to get rid of fear and anger without knowing their meaning, they will grow stronger and return.” 
― Deepak Chopra, The Third Jesus: The Christ We Cannot Ignore

“There are two kinds of fears: rational and irrational- or in simpler terms, fears that make sense and fears that don't.”
― Lemony Snicket

“Most men fear getting laughed at or humiliated by a romantic prospect while most women fear rape and death.”
― Gavin de Becker, The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence

“Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.”
― Marie Curie

“Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.”
― Jim Morrisson

“Find out what you're afraid of and go live there.”
― Chuck Palahniuk

“The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.”
― Joseph Campbell

“When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.”
― Audre Lorde

“She slept with wolves without fear, for the wolves knew a lion was among them.”
― R.M. Drake

“I believe that every single event in life happens in an opportunity to choose love over fear.”
― Oprah Winfrey

“He who has overcome his fears will truly be free.”
― Aristotle

La Pura Neta de Tony Robbins

I used to think Tony Robbins was a bit of a dweeb. Now, I know my man Tony better and that motherf****r knows his $hit! He also likes to drop F bombs like nobody's business, so I like him even more. His F bombs are purposeful too - they break through the conventional and get people to look at what's real. I totally get that.

Here's a bit of his hard-earned wisdom:

• Most of our suffering comes from expectation; trade your expectation for appreciation and your whole life changes in that moment, suffering ends in that moment.
• We overestimate what we can do in a year and underestimate what we can do in a decade or two or three.
• When life matches our blueprint, we're happy.
• When life doesn't match our blueprint, we have some pain.
• When life doesn't match our blueprint and we feel helpless to change it - that's when we suffer (the dark night of the soul).
• In our suffering we have 3 choices: 1) blame self/others/the world (which doesn't change anything); 2) change our effin life; 3) change our blueprint.
• It takes high energy to make change - love, creativity, gratitude, passion.