Love, Dreams & Hope

Stuart A. Kirk, me & Gerry Lavina

Four years ago, I asked my friend & colleague Gerry to get me a copy of the doctoral program brochure for Social Welfare at UCLA.  He did one better.  He scheduled a meeting with me and the doctoral program chair, Stuart A. Kirk.

I was scared out of my mind sitting in that office with Stuart on August 12, 2008.  I told him, "You don't understand - it's scary to me just talking to you about the program!  I am trying to take baby steps."  In the warmest and nonchalant manner, he said, "Let's help you take the next baby step."

I am walking into my fourth and final year (big words backed by big faith) of the program.  I hope to graduate next June.  Then I can apply for Assistant Professor positions in LA.  Stuart believes I will get a job easily.  I am in love with teaching.  I am passionate about research.  My life makes total and complete sense now.

It all started four years ago, in Stuart's office, prodded by Gerry and the Universe and all my mentors, family members, friends and of course, my mom.  When standing in the middle of a blessing, my mother taught me to say - and now my daughter knows to say it as well - Thank You, Yesus! (Jesus with a Spanish accent).  It is a "Thank You, Yesus" moment for me.  Thanks, mom.  I love jou.

Grad Glam

MSW Graduation Speech, 2012

I was asked to give a short speech at the CSULA MSW Pre-Graduation Banquet.  I prayed to God for some inspiration.

One of my students, Claudia Lira, introduced me:

Hello again, as a graduate of the Children, Youth, Women and Families concentration, I had the pleasure of experiencing the sharp mind, the radiant spirit and the delightful laughter of our next speaker.

Although the past two years have tested our patience, our courage, and our beliefs, the many stories she shared (some longer than others, let's be honest) have reminded us that we started this journey with a raw desire and a fiery heart for change.

Thanks to her, we make our way out of Salazar Hall with full hearts and new-found energy to practice with intention, passion, and love.

Without further delay, Professor Alejandra Acuña.

Me & Claudia

I brought my daughter on stage for moral support.  Here is what I said:

You got me, Claudia!  First, I'd like to apologize for not wearing academic regalia tonight but I bought this dress for this formidable occasion and I hope you like it.  Okay, I'm going to stick to the script because as you've just heard my stories can go long...

Good evening, my dearest, dearest MSW graduates 2012, family members, friends and faculty. I have been asked to say a few words on behalf of the Children, Youth, Women and Families Concentration. I don’t trust myself with my own words (due to time limits and my penchant for colorful language) so I will borrow the words of Father Greg Boyle who reminds us of “…our common call to delight in one another.”

In his book, Tattoos on the Heart, Father Boyle includes a poem called,

With That Moon Language 

Admit something:
Everyone you see, you say to them, “Love me.”
Of course you do not do this out loud;
Otherwise,
Someone would call the cops.
Still though, think about this,
This great pull in us to connect.
Why not become the one
Who lives with a full moon in each eye
That is always saying
With that sweet moon
Language
What every other eye in this world is dying to Hear.

Anthony De Mello writes, “Behold the One beholding you, and smiling.”

Graduates, I’m going to ask you to close your eyes for a few seconds and imagine me saying this only to you while looking deep into your big, beautiful eyeballs:  
 “Behold the One beholding you, and smiling.” 

And so this voice breaks through the clouds and comes straight at us.
 “You are my Beloved, in whom I am wonderfully pleased.” 

Hear the words of the Universe saying to you…
“You, dear MSW graduate, are my Beloved, in whom I am wonderfully pleased.” 

Your family and friends here to celebrate with you today, they don’t just love you – it’s their joy to love you. 

Family and friends, here to celebrate your beloved graduates, I want to ask you to turn to them now – take their hand, look them in the eyes and repeat after me:
It is my joy to love you. 

One more time: It is my joy to love you.

Graduates, I hope that you feel yourself beloved.

Author and psychiatrist James Gilligan writes that the self cannot survive without love, and the self, starved of love, dies. The absence of self-love is shame, “just as cold is the absence of warmth.”

Mother Teresa told a roomful of people with leprosy once how loved by God they were and a “gift to the rest of us.” Interrupting her, an old man raises his hand, and she calls on him. “Could you repeat that again? It did me good. So, would you mind…just saying it again.”

Family and friends, please turn to your graduate again, take their hand and look deeply into their big, beautiful eyeballs and repeat after me:
You are loved and you are a gift to the rest of us.

And because it bears repeating, let's say that one more time:
You are loved and you are a gift to the rest of us.

There is no force in the world better able to alter anything from its course than love.

What the American poet William Carlos Williams said of poetry could well be applied to the living of our lives:
“If it ain’t a pleasure, it ain’t a poem.”

Father Boyle writes:  My director of novices, Leo Rock, used to say, “God created us – because he thought we’d enjoy it.”

And that’s why I ask, “Who says Social Work can’t be fun?” 

Enjoy, my dearest, dearest MSW graduates and colleagues.

You are effing amazing, I love you and it has been my joy to love you!!

Almost every word came from the book, Tattoos on the Heart by Father Greg Boyle and of course the source of all things, God.

I have been harping for years about family engagement in children's mental health treatment.  No matter how old we are, our families (of our own choosing) matter to us.  In five minutes at a graduation for nearly 100 MSW candidates and their families - I managed to engage the graduates AND their families.  It is Fucking Possible, Dammit! When I hear people whine, "It's impossible to engage families at the secondary level" - I want to say, "Fuck that $hit!" with not one but two middle fingers pumping in the air.

Claudia emailed me the next day and wrote:

I'm ordering 'Tattoos on the Heart' TODAY! <3 My Dad said how beautiful that moment was. Thank you for facilitating such beautiful, loving, and healing spaces. 

Me, Hannah & her Awesome Dad

Me & the Incomparable Claudia

Me & Katrina's Beautiful Family

Me & mi chola, Yesenia - don't mess with me because she has my back (from day one and minute one)

Me & Hannah - I want Paolina to grow up to be just like you

Me & Melanie - In class one day, she asked me what my diagnosis was.  I am a Chingona who swears and cries and loves with all my heart.

Rasputin, Darth Vader & Spiderman

Bad Shamans give shamanism a bad name just as Darth Vader gave the Force a dark side.

This reminds me of Rasputin, known as a Siberian mystic healer, poet, magician, prophet and holy monk.*  Interestingly, the word, shaman, comes from the Tungus people of Siberia and means, "One who sees or knows."  One of Rasputin's talents was his ability to calm people in distress.  Not everyone had a positive view of Rasputin, his "enemies charged that he was nothing but cynical, and that he used religion to mask his drive for sex, money and power" (de Jonge, 14).*

Clearly, power may be used for good or for evil.  We choose wisely or misuse power for our advantage.  Following the dark path can bring harm to ourselves and others, at some point. 

Darth Vader was once a Jedi Knight and son of a respected warrior.  Then, he swayed to the dark side. 

Some say that gaining control over special powers may be used to harm enemies.  Thus, the possession of such control is not always beneficial, but may be used also for purposes of witchcraft.  Hostile shamans may throw disease into the bodies of their enemies or they may abduct their souls.  They may do harm by sympathetic means, and control the will-power of others by the help of supernatural means at their disposal.  Witchcraft is everywhere considered as a crime, and is so punished.**

In the book, Sastún (about a healer in Belize), there are many stories about how people feeling envy or greed or lust used shamanic power to enchant or destroy their target.

In the words of Spiderman:

Whatever life holds in store for me, I will never forget these words: "With great power comes great responsibility." This is my gift, my curse. Who am I? I'm Spider-man. 

If the goal is empowerment and embodiment.  How will we use our power and our bodies for good?


*http://it.stlawu.edu/~rkreuzer/indv5/rasp.htm
**Seeking Contact with Spirits Is Not Necessarily Shamanism by Frank Boas (1910)

Advanced Practice Course

MSW graduates, 2012

Last Thursday we held the final class of the Capstone course for MSW students in the Children, Youth, Women & Families concentration.

I invited two guest speakers that day.  Over the entire quarter, I've had eight guest speakers covering topics such as:  entrepreneurial social work, parenting and family therapy, grief and loss, a career in child welfare, adolescent substance abuse counseling, family engagement in children's mental health, Native American healing, and community organizing/policy advocacy.

After class, we met on the lawn and stood in a circle in order to be smudged by my cousin - a spiritual healer - Josie Montes.  She sang and smudged students with sage.  She asked me to assist by smudging as I stood behind them.  Many students appeared visibly touched by the ceremony and released strong emotions by crying.  It was beautiful.  It was an honor.  Students thanked my cousin for the blessings they received.  Students sent me notes of thanks and appreciation for this gift.

We, all of us, have been touched by painful life experiences at one time and another.  We, all of us, are in need of healing and support at one time or another.  This is what it means to be human and alive.  There is no shame in that - let's accept it.  In this way, we can accept the healing gifts and opportunities that present themselves.  It is our birthright to heal, be whole and happy.

I am soo grateful for my life and my life's work.  I get to do this.  Thank you, Yesus.

In one study:

"...results show that higher levels of maternal posttraumatic stress symptoms are associated with a higher level of psychosocial problems of infants, but not with delays in their mental or psychomotor development. The results also show that higher levels of maternal posttraumatic stress symptoms are associated with higher levels of insensitive, unstructuring, or hostile, but not intrusive, parent-child interactions. Infants show lower levels of responsiveness and involvement to their traumatized mothers. Parent-child interaction did not function as a mediator between maternal trauma symptoms and infants' psychosocial functioning. Results are discussed in relation to the dyad's regulation of emotions. Results implicate a need to reestablish attunement between traumatized mothers and their nontraumatized children."

Healthy and calm mamas, healthy and calm babies.

Reference
Title: War trauma lingers on: associations between maternal posttraumatic stress disorder, parent-child interaction, and child development
Author: Van Ee, Elisa; Kleber, Rolf J; Mooren, Geertruida Theodora Maria
Affiliation: Foundation Center '45, Diemen, The Netherlands ; Utrecht University, Utrecht, The Netherlands
Source: Infant Mental Health Journal, Published online 3 May 2012

Divining

I attended a Core Shamanism Basic Workshop last weekend sponsored by the Foundation for Shamanic Studies.  It was held at UC Santa Barbara (the beautiful weather and location was perfect for journeying).

The first exercise we did was divining.

We picked out a grapefruit-size rock from the environs and paired up with a partner.

We posed our own question for divining.  Sample questions included:  Is this the right time to leave my paid employment to pursue my life's passion?  What should I be doing to find my life partner? 

Career and relationship questions seemed to be the predominant themes.  Also, health-related questions emerged.

We each used our own rock and cosmology to divine the answer to our question.

The first step is to look at the rock and try to find a feature that looks like something else - say, a leaf or a mountain peak or the eye of a jaguar (some of the participants were very imaginative).  Then you figure out what that symbol says to you, based on your own associations.  For example, the leaf says growth and renewal.  Then, you say how that helps you answer your original question.  I need to focus on my own growth and renewal in order to...

We work in pairs, so it is our partner's job to see the feature we point out and serve as scribe for the messages we collect.

We pick out four features and their messages and meaning on one side of the rock.  Then we turn the rock over and identify another four features with associated messages and meaning, while your partner diligently checks out what you point out on the rock and writes everything down.

Then you review the eight features and their messages and meaning.

Then you put the rock behind your back and answer your original question based on what you saw in the rock.

This exercise was surprisingly powerful and guiding.

Some of us cried at the profundity of the messages.  After all, they were our own.  That is, they came from deep inside - they were our very own cosmology.

I took a friend out for dinner this weekend and she was struggling with a BIG life change decision.  After attempting to look at the pros and cons, separating the forest from the trees and all that jazz, I suggested we use the rock for divination.

It worked like gangbusters.  I noticed a peace and calm come over her as she reached her final conclusion.  This was a noticeable change from our earlier conversation at dinner using pure logic to decide.

Some people read the runes.  Others read tarot or angel cards.  We can all divine information for our own lives by consulting the rock and our own cosmology - the deep knowledge and metaphors inside us all.