UCLA, Department of Social Welfare

Feeling proud of my little school

Competent & Loved, Part 3

Beloveds, y'all are fu#$en awesome - flaws and all.  

That's the honest-to-goodness Truth.

Competent & Loved, Part 2

You can do it!  You can figure it out.  Stick to it.  Never say die.

You matter - no matter what.

Notes on Parenting . . .

Is it possible to socialize a child without breaking their spirit?
YES!!!

Is there a dark place in every parent that makes us capable of killing or abandoning our own offspring?
YES!!

It is a miracle to me that more parents don't kill their children.  Yes, I mean that sincerely.  Noted psychiatrist, Walt Brackelmanns said, "We are all fu@%ed up (all of us), it's amazing we get anything done."

When I work with parents and they ask me, "do you have kids?" I know what they really want to know is, "have you ever felt overwhelmed/exhausted/helpless/powerless as a parent?  have you ever experienced the urge to kill or abandon your own child but managed to contain yourself somehow?"
YES!!

Do you understand the vulnerability that parenting creates?  Do you understand that it is like ripping your chest open with your bare hands and pulling out your very own heart to send to school, child care and into the world everyday?
YES!!

"Will you work with me and not judge me for the dark place, pain and ambivalence that exists in all parents?"
YES!!

"Will you support and empathize with me as a parent and not just feel sorry for my child?"
YES!!

If we love kids, then we need to love their parents.  I mean, REALLY love them - nurture, guide, listen, understand deeply, offer genuine praise, provide a meal when they are too tired or dis-spirited to cook, respite child care, and so on.   This is true for any parent, but especially critical for a parent with a mental illness.  We all need help sometimes.  All of us.  There is no shame in that.  That is what community is for - for thousands of years this has been so.  We need more loving, supportive, and connected communities. Amen.

Competent and Loved

Our insecurities may make us mean.

If we walk around with a deep belief that we are incompetent (don't know something/anything and cannot learn), then anyone who is confident and competent will be threatening and we will try to emulate them or simply take them down.

If we walk around with a deep belief that we are unloved or un-loveable (a lie we believed very early on), then we may fall prey to sycophants and be easily manipulated. 

If we walk around with both erroneous beliefs (incompetent and unloved), then watch out world because we will be Super Mean (anti-hero wearing a cape).

I worked with a 2-fer.  She felt incompetent (semi-competent at best) and unloved.  Feeling confident and competent myself, without any compulsion to ki$$ a$$ (I naively thought my work would speak for itself), she hated me.  What's worse, she was my boss.

I went into work telling myself, "it's okay to be who I am, it's okay to be who I am" to counter the bad vibes I got from her daily.  I tried to impress her, make her look good, do an excellent job, etc.  That only made her more pi$$ed off.

A few years after I stopped working for Super Mean, a friend/mentor assured me that it was not about me.  Another friend/"F" mentor offered, "you are not the jerk whisperer" (that's "F" for "feelings," people!).

I am grateful that it has been a long time since I have worked for her, although I learned a valuable lesson.  When dealing with a Super Mean boss, be competent and ki$$ a$$, otherwise, find yourself a boss that is competent and feels loved.  I have worked for the latter and I prefer it.

Water seeks its own level.  Be confident and believe that you matter to attract the same.

I first heard that quote about water seeking its own level from another friend/mentor. I collect mentors because I still have a lot of growing up to do.  My friends/mentors remind me that I am competent and loved despite my occasional immaturity and numerous mistakes, God bless them.

Feeling competent and loved is our birthright.  If we don't feel that way now, what gets in our way and what would make us feel more confident? What makes us continue to believe the lies we learned (like good students) so early on?  We have a right to outgrow limiting beliefs and learn some new stories - we can do it.

Lecture Notes about Social Media in Social Marketing

Social media is not really about technology.  It is powered by people talking to each other - timeless.

Social media takes out the middle person.  It is DIY.  You don't need an intermediary (publisher) to get your ideas out.  What you do need is a compelling idea to spread.  Power to the people, right on.

Figure out what people want to pay attention to and give it to them.  Find out what people are interested in and they will pass it on to each other.

Social media is about building a movement.  You need subscribers and followers.  It is about finding like-minded people who will bring their friends and family.  It is building a base of followers who trust you and want to hear what you have to say.

Mainstream media has a far (but shallow) reach.  Whereas, social media has the power to engage in depth.

Find the TALKERS (vocal folks with influence) and give them TOPICS (a reason to talk; funny, interesting, and important ideas worth spreading).  Use TOOLS (social media, telephone, text messaging, informal conversations at public events or meetings) that foster TAKING PART by listeners, responders, and organizations.  Remember TRACKING (tools to track reach, depth and behavior change) for evaluation.

Social Media Tips & Guidelines for Social Marketing:

• Be authentic
• Share - interesting information & insights that are relevant and useful to the lives of target audience.
• Social Currency - what kind of value are you providing followers?
• Be relevant - who is your audience?  what are they hoping to get?
• Engage in 2-way conversation - ask and respond to questions
• Community - connect people with niche interests
• Find your Fans - other people passionate about your topic
• Create Evangelists - for your cause and provide them with a toolkit of information.

Wow

When a super smart, funny, confident, honest, spiritual and attractive man

looks you straight in the eyes

(with a twinkle in his eyes that matches the twinkle in your own eyes)

and says, "I want to take you to dinner,"

wow.